Of Boredom, Bathrooms and Bashfulness

As of today, I've been in South America for a month, which is really hard to get my head around. Depending on what mood I'm in at any given moment, it seems like I've either been here forever or no time at all.

While I've seen some truly stunning things, and had some experiences that I will always cherish, this trip hasn't been all roses and sunshine. I promised several people back home that I would be honest about this experience, warts and all. So: cue the warts.

Of all the things I expected to feel on this journey, boredom wasn't one. In my more pompous moments (of which there have been many), I've dismissed boredom as a symptom of weak-mindedness. After all, if you're bored, doesn't that simply signify you're the boring one? That you're incapable of appreciating the moment? But as much as it chafes, I've been bored. I've been bored killing time waiting for the next bus, or sitting on a bus for day-long journeys, or waiting hours to check in to the hostel, or eating breakfast/lunch/dinner by myself. There is only so much journal-writing or book-reading or people-watching or coffee-drinking I can do before I'm bored. I'm bored, and then I feel guilty about being bored, and then I get bored by my guilty feelings... you get the picture. So the next time I'm up on my high horse waffling on about "boredom-as-a-state-of-mind", please remind me of this confession and knock me down.

Prior to this trip, the last time I shared a bedroom and bathroom with strangers was back in 1988 when I was eleven years old and newly arrived at boarding school. So I was pretty intimidated by the idea of sleeping in a hostel dorm. Where would I change? What should I sleep in? How would I wake up at 6:30 am to go on a trek without disturbing my new roommates? What about showering? I ended up googling "hostel etiquette" and then using common sense. If someone else was in the dorm, I changed in the toilet. I slept in a T-shirt and long johns. I set the alarm low and slept with my headset on so hopefully I would be the only one to hear it. I had quick five minute showers in the middle of the day when it was least busy.

Some of my fellow hostel dwellers are not so etiquette-obsessed. There was the couple in Puerto Madryn who liked to chat in our shared bathroom for about twenty minutes each morning before taking half-hour long showers. There was the roommate in El Calafate who regularly came in at 3 in the morning to continue the party in the dorm room until 5. And yesterday in Buenos Aires, there was the girl who snuck into the shared bathroom that wasn't on her floor, spent 45 minutes doing god knows what in there, and left it in such a disgusting state that I had to ask the poor hostel staff for a mop before I could shower. The only upside? Each horrible experience has made me even more determined to be as exemplary a temporary roommate as possible.

Finally, I never thought of myself as a shy person, but I've been surprised. It's been pretty damn intimidating walking up to strangers and introducing myself. I've only managed to do it a handful of times and even then, I feel like I'm intruding and that the other person/people must think I'm really needy. My rational mind knows that's probably not the case, knows that other people (travelers especially) are probably in the same boat and would like to meet other people, but for some reason, my instinctive reaction is not to bother anyone in case they reject me. When I have gussied up the courage to meet people, they've been absolutely lovely. I can't even count the number of friendly and fabulous people from all over the globe that I've met in just a month. Which makes my continued shyness especially frustrating - why can't I get over it when the rewards are so blazingly obvious?

Traveling by yourself has many merits (I'm on my own schedule for one), but it can also be really lonely. If you are with a partner or a friend, at least you know you always have someone to talk to, someone to laugh with, someone to get stranded with, someone to eat with, someone to take photos with you, or someone who can guard your bag etc. I am literally relying on the kindness of strangers and, no sugarcoating, it's been tough. Especially because I'm constantly having to translate language and currency in order to communicate. It can be exhausting.

But all told, I would much rather be down here struggling by myself, than not down here at all. I'm finally doing what I've been trying to do ever since university, and if some boredom, some frustration and some annoyance is the only price I have to pay? It's going to be worth it.